Metamorphosis

I see you with them,
Laughing around, like you used to,
With me, some fine days.
Which now feels like a lifetime before,
But damn, it hurts, every single time, I heresay!


Tell me, did I anyhow make you uncomfortable,
To not anymore smile at Me, like the way You are doing right now,
Looking at her, but I swear.


I swear, you were a different person then.
The person I had met when the sun had just risen,
The person who looked so vulnerable with the sun setting on its last leg.
The person who had made me want to open up to him,
The person who I had wanted to be with.
To hold his hands and just watch everything dissemble.


So tell Me, was the metamorphosis easy,
Because if you forgot me that easily,
Maybe even I can, let go of you needily?
For I just cannot let myself be fooled again,
Into believing that love will happen to Me.


Some people are so cursed,
They are robbed of the first chance,
Of getting to live once more,

Love, one more time, yet again.

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Charade

You look daringly, I look stealthily.
You give me that smile of yours,
Which shows little but means helluva lot.
The smile which tells you nothing,
Yet you know, it means to me something.
I look away quickly,
Afraid of getting caught.
You look away, nodding your head,
Yeah, that’s how it must be between us, for now.

You look, I look away.
I look, you look away.
Yet another moment gone,
Untouched and far-fetched,
No matter how much I wail and moan.

I look, You don’t notice.
You got a subtle stubble growing.
You look absolutely delightful, I want to scream.
Instead, when You look, I..
I look away, refusing to give away myself,
By meeting your eyes and facing the storm inside.

The eyes that look confused, irritated,
Angry, helpless and depressed.
Eyes which most of all, have questions,
Answers to which I cannot dare to tell,
In fear of spilling the society’s tales.

The society which looks upon us,
As a forbidden pair, destined only to be,
Lamented, embarrassed and shamed upon.
Society which tells you and me,
How we should walk and talk.
Society which tells me, I am not,
Not allowed to meet your eyes and say,
I’m sorry, we are not at fault.
We are just pawns in this bloody game,
We both are victims in their worst phase.

You look, I look at last.
You look surprised, and I,
I feel a sadness heaving down,
Upon my soul and heart.
I look away finally, slowly this time,
For I know moments like this are fleeting,
For us to exist the way we are,
We have to keep this charade going.
For as long as it takes.

Thing is,
I think I’ll be able to hold on.
Will you?

Moving Away

I’ve always wondered,
Of the moment when,
I’d finally move on,
From You and My expectations.
I’ve imagined countless times,
Of the moment when I’d realize,
That it is really the end of it all,
And nothing else can be done anymore.
I’ve woken up from nightmares,
Soaked with sweat & pumping oxygen into a jumpy heart,
Wishing and praying for those things,
To never happen, those terrible things,
Only to realize they have already happened.
But nothing could have prepared Me,
For this moment which has finally come.

It was the look of your face which screamed happiness,
The moment when this heart of mine broke all over again.
When You didn’t look back even once and took a giant leap,
And I realized I was a fool to wish for happy endings.
They don’t exist and nor do your feelings,
But I still believe and unfortunately,
Exist my feelings, which once lay dormant,
But have woken up again, to bid you goodbye.
For You see, I can live my life with the memories given by you,
But I cannot bear to burden You with mine.
You see, I can survive by barely managing to sew my broken heart,
But I cannot bear to see You live, Without that of yours.

Because at the end of the day, it’s still your happiness which counts,
I can manage with my melancholic memories.
Who cares if You have ruined my heart with your image,
I’ll just remain happy for the rest of my life,
That once You belonged to Me – just mine,
Once upon a time.

Laugh

There’s something about her laugh. She laughs like she’d keel over laughing and fall on the floor. She looked like the happiest person in this world when she laughed. But she wasn’t really. In fact, she didn’t even really laugh at all. She disguised it all the time. She laughed because she needed to show everything was fine with her. She laughed and that reminded her how hollow she is, that she has to fake her own laugh. She laughed at the shallow sound of her laughter. She laughed at the whole irony of life. She laughed at the screwup that she was. She laughed because that’s the only way she could control herself. Stop herself from screaming out aloud and going insane. She laughed because she was just a step away from a complete break-down. She laughed because she couldn’t cry.

And it was as simple as that. She had to laugh so she laughed.

Darkness and Her Lover

He’d thought She was the Sun.
The Light who’d show the path through his darkness,
The Light who’d blind him with love he’d never known could exist,
For She was everything he’d ever imagined and more.
But He didn’t know, She was that Sun.
Who’d scorch him for ever.
The Sun who herself was headed to burn out.
The Light who was born out of darkness.
The Light whose other name was Black.
She was Darkness in the disguise of Light.

And yet, He had fallen and couldn’t undo it.
Because when Love can be undone, then it wasn’t love in the first place.
And thus, He chose to love Darkness,
But anonymously, deciding to be a Shadow.
For to be close to Darkness, you have to be embrace it too.
And hence, He became yet another stakeholder in,
The scarred faces of Black.
One of the many star-crossed lovers of Darkness.

Chasing Sunsets

Why chase Sunsets?
You ask Me.
Why out of all things,
Sunsets fascinate you the most?
You frown, trying to know Me.
I laugh.
Oh, that’s nothing, I reply.
Yet another sudden impulses of mine,
You really don’t need to decode it, you know!

You don’t believe me, as you should.
You think there’s something more,
More than what I’m giving away to you.
I smile, thinking if only you had the power,
The ability to know what’s the reason behind it,
If only you knew why I like to chase sunsets.

Sunsets remind of surviving yet another day,
A day of struggling with disguises and pretensions,
A day of waking up and get hustling along,
A day of making it alright, after fighting with the world,
A day of facing the sun and saying it with pride,
See, I beat you again, taking one at a time.
More so, sunsets remind me,
That I’ve survived one day more.

I love sunsets because they’re my safety net,
They take me to a dimension where I’m comfortable more.
An extension of darkness waiting,
To envelop me in its arms,
Knowing the child is to return,
To her home, the nestle of night.
A place where her demons wait,
A play-room where there’s no way out,
Except to fight, to keep herself sane.
But that’s easier for her, I think.
For she has been doing it for years,
And she doesn’t look like she’s giving up, it seems.

Would you like to know what’s the best thing about nights?
It’s that white slice of happiness,
Which comes in different shapes every night,
The Moon, which has always been mine.
And I dare not think of a person once close,
Who too had once said, the moon was his to go by.
But now, what has remained is the Moon,
And person… So far, nowhere near heart and sight.

So when you ask why I chase sunsets,
I almost blurt out the real reason,
But know better not to,
For you wouldn’t understand.
Nobody has or will do, you see.

It’s not that I like to chase sunsets,
But I have to chase sunsets.
They are a reminder, a celebration of the fact,
I’m a fighter, a survivor
And I’d like to remain that.

Belief

I don’t believe in the institution of marriage. Yes, I don’t believe in that, no matter how much you look bewildered or go on to laugh at me. Why, you ask? Well, for one, I don’t believe in the idea that I or the other person concerned could love and tolerate each other for a whole lifetime to go. I don’t know about him, but I sure as hell don’t believe I can be in love with a person after a certain amount of time, leave alone thinking of spending about 50-60 years of my life with him.

You look surprised. You say, I’m crazy and I reply back saying yes I am one, unabashedly. You look back at me and ask, don’t you believe in soulmates? You don’t notice my hesitation but my reply is smooth when I say, No. You nod your head disparagingly and go along. You don’t notice the slag in my step, the faraway look of my face, the glittery eyes. If that didn’t give away the answer to you, then the answer for you is, No. I choose not to explain about my choices to you, because you wouldn’t understand. Nobody does. Why would you then?