“Ajeeb dastaan haan yeh, kahaan shuru kaha khatam…” These are precisely the lines which I found myself humming to calm myself down after I nearly had a breakdown. Why? Because on 31st Nite, when everyone is out enjoying the last few hours of this decade, somewhere far away, my boyfriend (to be referred as He/Him in the rest of the blogpost) is out with few other officers trying to crack down upon a gang tampering with electric lines. WOW. Oh, well.
That actually quite sums up the emotional rollercoaster that this year has been – never quite settled, just when I thought it’s gonna be okay, something or the other happens to disprove me of the same. Before I let myself go on and on and whine some more, let me get done with everything that this year has been about!
This year really started with me still safe in the cocoon of my institution and in the company of this new relationship which I kept on testing weeks after weeks. This relationship surprisingly has stood the test of time wherein a girl who never settled for anyone for more than half a year, has already completed a year in this relationship. Whoa! Yes, still can’t believe it. Still testing this relationship everyday. Still trying to pinch myself to believe I’m actually winding down my wilderness.
So far as the professional ground is concerned, I’ve been blessed with a miracle that could only happen due to The Ultimate Faith, that I could get placed with a school that everyone wanted to be in, but couldn’t somehow get through (better still, when the school itself was not a part of the placements!). But there was I, with no knowledge thereof, getting the opportunity to serve at one of the best CBSE schools in Bhubaneswar and better yet, a society like DPS. Each day is challenging so far as bettering myself is concerned and given that I’ve already gotten lots of compliments from kind colleagues and parents alike for the amount of hardwork and creativity I put in, I hope to serve even better in future here. I, sure as hell, every single day count myself lucky and blessed to have gotten the opportunity to serve at such a big school. This is not to say that I haven’t faced troubles in the workplace but I have learnt to deal with it with sheer dedication to teaching and only teaching. Work is God, after all.
2019 has been my traveling year, for sure. Given that I got to go on a trip almost every 3-4months, this year has been quite rejuvenating for me, especially the December trip, wherein I got to visit Purulia, a beautiful interior town of West Bengal, along-with group of friends. The trip extravaganza started in February when I started off my birthday month with a trip to beach (literally the start I’d want for my birthday month!) and spending quality time with Him for the first time. This was also the trip which established my connection with his parents, basically his family, a milestone I have always considered to be an important part of any relationship, touching base with parents. Then of course, in the subsequent trips, we got to spend even more time together getting to know each other, our pulses, likes-dislikes et al. All these trips incredibly connected the soul within me with nature and to another human being, who has been increasingly becoming a part of my life.
Coming to Me, I think 2019 has been quite a kaleidoscope of growing up mentally and emotionally. This has been the year when I decided to face myself in the mirror and decide to take the first step to conquer my body issues by agreeing to see the doctor. As I already knew it with my gut instincts, I was diagnosed with several major diseases, all of them of course curable, but only with daily intake of medicines, watching out my diet and lots of exercises blah blah. This was also the year which taught me a lot about life when I got caught in the midst of the Cyclone Phani rampage in Bhubaneswar where I had to stay without any network coverage, no proper drinking water and electricity facilities. Those were the days which tried me a lot and though a bit traumatized (I just hate even the very idea of windy depression in any place and almost neurotic about charging phones), I did come out surviving THE Cyclone which not only left a bad taste in all of our mouths, but took away our best memories of our institution’s campus.
This year also involved a lot of growing up on my part, especially in the adulting front. From selecting to shifting to different houses at different times, to taking charge of the whole range of expenses which come along with settling down in a place which ain’t my home, I sure have done a lot of adulting. After suffering tremendously from UTI, I have also learnt a lesson or two about safe and protective hygiene and the havoc it can cause on its lack thereof.
Regarding making new connections, I have contributed on that front as well courtesy the new relationship, wherein my entire Durga Pujo, I got to visit a lot of new relatives, making and visiting new friends etcetera. Surprisingly from a girl who couldn’t even imagine tying Rakhi to anyone else than the brother of the last four years, this year I took a bold step in acknowledging the role played by at least three more men in my lives, who have been consistently there in my life, by tying them rakhi. The most precious rakhi of course for the good ol’ brother of mine, who was splendidly happy with the chosen rakhi of mine.
2019 was the year which reinstated my faith in Karma by making the re-connection with a guy who was almost a part of my life but couldn’t actually be, with his opting out from the same. This not only gave me a far-too-long needed closure but also left, giving me a taste of what it could have been and what it actually is. This was also the year where I experimented with my hidden desires. All my life, I had dreamt of having a boyfriend who could play a guitar (cliché, yes, I know) but never did have one who could play a guitar. This year, with sudden realisation, I myself decided to be a girl who could play strings, which in my case, meant purchasing a ukulele. Which I did. Yes, again, still cannot imagine it, if not for the fact that it lies right next to my bed. This however, could only happen due to the support of only one person, that was, Him.
Now on to the guy who has forced to believe that Time indeed can heal people and give a fair chance to things that are deserving. This guy waited for me for 2 years with absolutely no hope and even when I did say yes to him, I only about gave him a time-span of six months at best, which now currently stands at fourteen months and counting! This all can be vouched only for the love he has for me, his respect and care for me and my family and above all, his tenacity to not leave my hands at any cost. We have our fair share of quarrels and arguments, and times when I felt stupid to give him a little piece of my heart. But every time we do bounce back together again and that does say something about me. The day he sat on the ground, cross-legged, asking from my parents my hand, saying he wants a future together, but at my pace, whenever I wanna settle down, will forever be etched in my heart. 🙂 He will also be special with the amount of support I receive regarding my mental health, how he is damn concerned about my degradation regarding the same. Whatever this year has shown and told me about Him, I hope to God it multiplies in fold and even more.
Coming to the expectations I have from 2020, well, it’s a new year, start of a new decade. Last decade has mostly been about growing up. This decade will be carrying myself responsibly. I hope to carry myself off efficiently regarding finances and adulting about life. 2020 should be a year where I’m able to organise my personal life in tandem with my work-life, so that I’m less exhausted and more energetic to get at least some of my hobbies done. This year, I hope to take off my double Masters properly as well, so that I can continue with that in future. I hope I can get to learn to play better Ukulele and create a balance between book-reading and movie-watching. I hope to go on several more trips and spend even more time with Him.
Let 2020 be year where we are able to revolutionize ourselves and try to create a balance in everything. Let us make ourselves put in best efforts at every single thing that comes our way.
So this 2020, let us make double of whatever we have, best of all, make ourselves doubly happy. That’s all that counts, isn’t it? Happiness and Contentment.
Happy New Year, everyone. Let us smash every obstacle that comes our way and fall deeper in love. Let us all succeed and find happiness in life. God bless.