LOSING LOVE

Beautiful-young-lonely-woman-sitting-on-sea-coast-at-autumn-sunset

 

She was happy that day.

Having spent quality time with family,

She looked forward to spend moments,

With the ones she loved, her friends.

‘While up above the world so high,’

The Devil smirked and said,

“You have no idea what’s in store, babe!”

 

No truer have any words been said,

As she found herself surprised.

Like anybody would be,

When the one you trusted, makes fun of you;

Poking sore where it hurt the most.

 

Sounds a matter trifle,

Not when it got the better of her.

Having always laughed that off,

For she loved them;

But nobody did notice,

How she always winced and ached every time.

 

Fun is good but not at somebody’s expense.

All the more, when you have an idea alright,

That your fun bothers the person.

 

That day, it struck her bad,

She knew not what and why.

All she reckoned was that,

It was the final blow, for sure.

 

‘Twas the last straw of her sanity,

The last pound of her dignity she had for herself.

More than her it was,

The final ounce of respect and love she had for them.

 

Tougher they say to live,

Without the ones you love.

But there always comes a time,

When step back, you must.

 

So she did.

Step back, that is.

Biding adieu to them,

Her mind was swarmed with regrets.

 

If only she could gain back the time,

The time she spent thinking about them.

Worrying and feeling sad with and for them,

When life didn’t treat them right.

 

If only she could take back,

The whispers of prayers she left in the air.

Let them be happy and safe,

Cocoon them wherever they are, O Lord.

Let them feel, there’s somebody who cares for them.

But let them not know,

She had mused, eyes glazing with tears,

O Lord, let them not know,

‘Twas me who prayed for them.

 

She sighed.

Maybe she was wrong somewhere.

Maybe her love wasn’t just enough.

Or maybe, she mistook it all along.

 

She knew not when she slept,

Or when her pillows had dried of her tears.

While birds chirped and morning said hello,

She opened her eyes and faced the world.

She wasn’t the same ‘ol girl anymore.

 

For,

Her soul had lost yet another touch of humanity,

A precious dollop of love for her ‘closed ones’.

 

She would not let any other person,

Come near her heart or soul.

For knocking would be in vain,

When she has decided,

To drop the door keys in the Ocean of Love.

 

She didn’t need any.

Neither the keys nor the ocean.

They were better lost and unfounded,

Because some things are meant to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

POWER OF LAUGHTER

smiling-girl

 

The day is still afresh as morning daisies in my mind. That day was one of those days, where you squint at the bright light outside, because all you want is to stay cooped up at the darkest corner of the room. When you go Hulk-angry at every smiling faces outside, because you are too dumb to think at that point of time that, just because you have everything going down-hill in your life, doesn’t rob others the right to smile about in their lives. Smile. Now that is an important word in here, not because that would be the last word on your mind at that moment, but because you start having the worst feeling. And that would be, you would never be caught again smiling and laughing. If that isn’t what unarguably the worst and the saddest feeling of the world is, I don’t know what is.

Back to this case. That day, whose date I didn’t care to remember, because no sane person remembers the dates of his worst days and last checked, I was still technically sane, could easily be counted as one of the worst days of my life. The weather did nothing to improve my condition, as always, putting more damper to my mood. As if the whole world was conspiring to put me in one of those dark-hell mood of my life. Which wasn’t really correct, now when I think back, because I don’t think the universe would have really that much of a profit by putting me off. Like really? Anyways. I went going on about my usual chores. However, that day wasn’t a usual day because my usual days would be my university days, where I’m dead tired at the end of the day, being busy doing all sorts of work. Studying counts as work, right?  To me, it does. Add to that the pressure of tuitions that I have to do. That day was one of the holidays, where usual university students get confused about how to go: resume with the studies or just relax. Either ways out, we grumble at the end of the day. If you study, you grumble about not relaxing. If you relax, you grumble about wasting the study time. No, I wasn’t grumbling at the end of the day. Mostly because I was grumbling all throughout the day. About how everything was unfair, how I would like to catch the very next person who tries to cheer me up, by his throat and go all Joker on him, but instead pasting on a fake smile, of which I’m a master at and being disgustingly cheerful while saying, that you are alright. Which I definitely was not.

How the morning rolled into afternoon, I have the least idea. Mostly because I couldn’t feel anything, numb to the point of no care for myself. I caught myself staring blindly at the ceiling of my wall, looking at the fan, as if willing it to answer my questions. Swish, swish and swish. Seconds tickled by. Nothing happened. Screw it! Probably the dumbest thing to do, after all. I threw myself off the bed and happened to catch the time on the wall-clock. Holy Mother! Barely time for pulling myself out of the slumber and rushing to the tuition. Especially that particular tuition, where the family is extremely sticky about time, which obviously doesn’t include the fact that the kid herself, wastes an enormous amount of the tuition study-time.  Never mind. It is always a pleasure seeing people waste their time, acting foolish and proving a source of amusement, especially when that exclusively catered to me. I packed my bag and rushed to her home.

Nobody caught a sniff of my foul mood, looking at me as usual. I had mastered the art of deception, the art of hiding any emotion unravelling inside me, long time back. So with all smiles, I was prepared to teach the kid. As they say, when all doors seem to be closed, it just takes the right way of looking for that very door which gets opened (or remains opened, not sure which one) automatically, by God’s grace. I was also nothing, if not optimistic. However, that sliver of hope was just that, a sliver. Coincidentally, that invisible door, which was exactly not invisible, just that it remains out of sight, happened to be the leeway. The leeway was that her exams had ended that very day and she was adamant of not studying. Anything but studying, so was her stand. Suited me as well. So, I picked up her literature book and read out a story to her. All mundane, till the trump card to change one of the worst moods of my life, came along. And what a move!

With the story done and over with, she was downright obstinate of not studying anymore, but I had almost 45 minutes to go till the end of tuition. She came up with the idea of playing tic-tac-toe. I said, why not? The first two matches I lost to her, because I wasn’t just having any interest. She snickered and said, you have got too old, ma’am. You can’t win! Now that perked me up, because of two factors. Firstly, I never lose, that too a match like tic-tac-toe. Secondly, no kid, especially my student calls me a loser. Collecting myself out of my thoughts, I showed my tallest finger to my bitchy mood and got ready to pounce upon her. And pounce I did, by winning the next 18, yes, 18 tic-tac-toe matches and absolutely wiping that smirk out of her face. After she got tired of losing, I offered Bingo to play with me. She readily agreed, thinking of at least beating me down here. She obviously failed to catch the knowing smile of my face, because I was a pro at Bingo. So, hell yeah, beat me at that, kid! I trained all my shenanigan moves on her and she won not a single, not a single Bingo, out of a slew of consecutive matches. She started wailing playfully and then happened the miracle.

I laughed. I laughed madly like never before. The pent-up emotions coiled inside me burst out in the form of laughter. I threw my head back and roared in laughter. Even my student was startled to see me like that. Her face changed, seeing the tears that were on the verge of spilling out of my eyes. Tears of laughter. She asked, if anything was wrong. I could only nod my head and grasp her hands in gratitude. For making me laugh. No, my troubles hadn’t vanished magically in seconds. The only difference was, their effect had dimmed. The laughter had the power of making me believe everything would be right, no matter what. I would just not have to cower before them and instead, laugh at their face. Laughter being the golden word here.

Till that day, I had just heard about the power of laughter but hadn’t experienced the full-blown effect of it. Now I know what the power of laughter is. Now I know what it takes to magically disappear all the troubles of our lives. Just smile and say, Screw it, Man! Try and beat me at my own game, mate!