Guilty. That’s the first word that came in my mind when the bitter (extreme one at that, if I may add) taste of my strong black coffee hit my taste buds. Interestingly, that’s also the word that strikes my conscience when I think about Coffee Talkies and how it hasn’t been fed any content since March, which is like, 4 months ago. Sheesh! So I’ll have a quick round-up of each month that has passed by, before settling down to the current month, which is July.
Hectic – I had to submit my Master Thesis. *Mic drop*
Yes, that should quite dramatically sum up, the month of April. I still don’t know how I managed to complete it, but it was god-awful hectic! I remember my multiple drafts getting rejected with every visit to my supervisor and me steeling up, again and again. Oh, just to add (I swear, I’m not trying to boast here, but it’s hard not to be proud when your supervisor is Mr. Zaad Mahmood, who is the first Indian professor of Political Science and the second Indian overall to get a guest lectureship in Oxford University!)
On the day of submission, I remember feeling proud to have the hardbound thesis in my hands, a product of intense criticism yet steel-strong faith. Then came the farewell, which was not quite an emotional event for Me. Maybe because I was too numb. Maybe because the unsettling shock, that there would be no other regular day of attending University, was yet to sink in. In the midst of such ordered chaos, I remember feeling better when the very supervisor, who had been let’s say, quite critical of everything I had done till then, told me how proud he was of my unconventional choices in my life. Farewells are so weird, I tell you!
Mayhem – That’s what the month of May brought along-with it. As it so happened that it was the last end-semester exams that I was to give, before the cocoon of University was to be taken away from me, only to be pushed into the big, bad world out there & rough it out. I’ll say this and I really mean it, the exams were horrible! I swear, I had given the worst exams of my entire University Life of 5 years and it is NOT my fault that the results didn’t quite catch up with my expectations… Oh, well… But that’s for June to own it up!
Experiences – Normally, I don’t get envious of my friends’ lives, but probably for the first time in the month of June, I did. Because right after my exams, when I was supposed to relax (like my friends did), I had to join my office, which also happened to be my first full-time corporate office internship. However, two days into the office and I realized it wasn’t going to be that bad after all! I loved the work vibe of my company, the boss-employee dynamics and most of all, how easily I got embraced by one and all. I had an absolutely amazing time at this company, where I made really good friends, strangers who somehow became so close to my life that living a day without seeing them would have to be a day of some other parallel world.
I remember that tensed feeling of a doomed ship, when the University results were to be announced while I was in my office. But at the same time, I also remember accepting congratulations with shaky hands when I broke the news to my the office people that I had stood 3rd in my 2 years of Masters. (Let it go down like this that I had cleared the fact that the results were not in alignment with my expectations. It came way better, actually!)
Then came the break for travelling, which made all the difference in the end. Because as it goes after every travelling stint of mine, I returned, a slightly reformed person. I had went to Benaras for more than a week and then returned home, after a short visit to Allahabad on the way back. Benaras had been detoxifying as always, adding reward points to my self-esteem, making new friends, proving to myself that maybe I’m not really a bad person after all! *Tongue in cheek* Trust me when I say, my bindi had actually become a representative of me being the only Bengali out there in the community I was staying put and the 70 odd people from the entire North actually remembered me by my name! (That’s quite an achievement, believe me when I say that!) Benaras taught me quite a startling revelation this time that, I probably would never settle down as any other ordinary girl. For my heart has a hippie soul in it.
Allahabad had been fun, with the Tonga rides, morning fresh walks and the Triveni boat-ride! Allahabad chapter taught me humility and how things weren’t to be taken for granted. Which was quite important when I look back now, but it was too late by the time I could catch on to the significance of it.
Revelations – Welcome to July. The current month… Or at least, till the midnight clock introduces the brand new month of August! July brought along with it a sad news. My internship was about to end. The word for July should really have been Goodbyes, but then August has got it copyrighted already…
So my office internship ended, with tears on my part and sad faces on part of the people who had become part of my life in this two months and were suddenly to become strangers again. I have the bad habit of getting attached to people quite easily, so it had been a bit difficult to say goodbye.
I decided I had to get away from my home to somehow avoid that feeling of getting choked on emotions and that’s when the offer to visit our farmhouse came along. I clung to that as a drowning man finding a log and went for a visit to the farmhouse which I had last visited 7-8 years ago. This had been a much-needed catharsis for Me as the farmhouse reminded me of that little girl who had the world in her hands and had been at the top of everything. She had no damn to give to anyone and was the best. I remember running and chasing the butterflies, soaking in the wet breeze and taking a detour to the other part of the town, exploring on my own.
Returning back to the city all rejuvenated, I decided to go back to do something close to my heart, working at an NGO, something I do with all my passion. It’s been going on like that since then when suddenly a news came.
Something to change my Life forever. And the month August will be the forebearer of that. *insert Game of Thrones introductory music*
Thanks for reading the chapters of the book of my Life called “The Tragedy”. May your life never be unsettled like mine!