Darkness and Her Lover

He’d thought She was the Sun.
The Light who’d show the path through his darkness,
The Light who’d blind him with love he’d never known could exist,
For She was everything he’d ever imagined and more.
But He didn’t know, She was that Sun.
Who’d scorch him for ever.
The Sun who herself was headed to burn out.
The Light who was born out of darkness.
The Light whose other name was Black.
She was Darkness in the disguise of Light.

And yet, He had fallen and couldn’t undo it.
Because when Love can be undone, then it wasn’t love in the first place.
And thus, He chose to love Darkness,
But anonymously, deciding to be a Shadow.
For to be close to Darkness, you have to be embrace it too.
And hence, He became yet another stakeholder in,
The scarred faces of Black.
One of the many star-crossed lovers of Darkness.

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Chasing Sunsets

Why chase Sunsets?
You ask Me.
Why out of all things,
Sunsets fascinate you the most?
You frown, trying to know Me.
I laugh.
Oh, that’s nothing, I reply.
Yet another sudden impulses of mine,
You really don’t need to decode it, you know!

You don’t believe me, as you should.
You think there’s something more,
More than what I’m giving away to you.
I smile, thinking if only you had the power,
The ability to know what’s the reason behind it,
If only you knew why I like to chase sunsets.

Sunsets remind of surviving yet another day,
A day of struggling with disguises and pretensions,
A day of waking up and get hustling along,
A day of making it alright, after fighting with the world,
A day of facing the sun and saying it with pride,
See, I beat you again, taking one at a time.
More so, sunsets remind me,
That I’ve survived one day more.

I love sunsets because they’re my safety net,
They take me to a dimension where I’m comfortable more.
An extension of darkness waiting,
To envelop me in its arms,
Knowing the child is to return,
To her home, the nestle of night.
A place where her demons wait,
A play-room where there’s no way out,
Except to fight, to keep herself sane.
But that’s easier for her, I think.
For she has been doing it for years,
And she doesn’t look like she’s giving up, it seems.

Would you like to know what’s the best thing about nights?
It’s that white slice of happiness,
Which comes in different shapes every night,
The Moon, which has always been mine.
And I dare not think of a person once close,
Who too had once said, the moon was his to go by.
But now, what has remained is the Moon,
And person… So far, nowhere near heart and sight.

So when you ask why I chase sunsets,
I almost blurt out the real reason,
But know better not to,
For you wouldn’t understand.
Nobody has or will do, you see.

It’s not that I like to chase sunsets,
But I have to chase sunsets.
They are a reminder, a celebration of the fact,
I’m a fighter, a survivor
And I’d like to remain that.

Belief

I don’t believe in the institution of marriage. Yes, I don’t believe in that, no matter how much you look bewildered or go on to laugh at me. Why, you ask? Well, for one, I don’t believe in the idea that I or the other person concerned could love and tolerate each other for a whole lifetime to go. I don’t know about him, but I sure as hell don’t believe I can be in love with a person after a certain amount of time, leave alone thinking of spending about 50-60 years of my life with him.

You look surprised. You say, I’m crazy and I reply back saying yes I am one, unabashedly. You look back at me and ask, don’t you believe in soulmates? You don’t notice my hesitation but my reply is smooth when I say, No. You nod your head disparagingly and go along. You don’t notice the slag in my step, the faraway look of my face, the glittery eyes. If that didn’t give away the answer to you, then the answer for you is, No. I choose not to explain about my choices to you, because you wouldn’t understand. Nobody does. Why would you then?

Stupid Cupid

Do you believe there’s a Cupid out somewhere?
I think of asking You.
But then, you wouldn’t understand,
And I’d have to translate it to your language,
And that’d take out all the fun.
Like all the other times, I had to explain to you,
Things you fail to grasp, being out of your reach.
(There’s a point till which I can bear,
But damn if it isn’t irritating!)
So instead, I ask myself.

Yes, I believe there is One,
Otherwise what could possibly explain this,
This outrageous, exasperating feeling,
Of being struck with an attraction.
A pull which goes just one-way round,
With no future in sight,
And feelings too surprisingly new to fight.

I cannot say to you all this,
You’d run away faster than Bolt,
Simply because it’s unbelievable! But hey,
I know that feeling too, right?
So instead I do things which my heart forces me to do,
Making my brain die premature death, multiple times in a day.
If not Cupid, what could possibly explain this?

I can still remember the moment it all happened,
Your back facing the balcony,
Your coat giving you the mysterious allure.
I’d doubled back to see who you are,
And there you were, unknown
But somehow known enough for me to gasp.
For you were just an ordinary guy,
Nowhere near to my preferences.
Yet, yet I tried hard to find the reason,
That made my heart race to see you,
To want to talk to you,
Most importantly, for you to accept me,
For you to like me as I am.
But sigh! If only I could find any,
Oh Mon dieu, someone help me!

Often I have wondered, you know,
What it’d be like, to pursue you.
To chase you until you’re mine,
To break that ego of yours,
Boosting mine in the process of destruction.
But then, I remember who you are,
And despite it all, I don’t want to screw up,
Your already roughened heart.

So here’s what I’ve decided, my friend.
To purge myself of you in the sea,
To drown all these feelings for you,
As unnecessary as salt in anything sweet.
So here’s my eulogy to a surprising attraction,
Which is to die an early, too-soon painful death.
Here’s my tribute to Cupid,
Who turned out to be stupid enough to mess with Me.
And here’s to You, dear friend,
Listen, for I’m confessing to you.
I did like you, yes, believe me when I say that.
But not enough to let go of the past lessons I’ve learnt.
You see, I’m content with myself.
So I have to let you go, and thus,
Goodbye, my almost-happened love.

On Love and Other Demons

It’s cold.
I remind myself of the chill that’s in the air,
But I don’t mind it.
I welcome it.
It relieves me to see that I can still feel.
That goosebumps faithfully show up,
Is a reminder that they’re there, existing just under the skin.
That they’re are still very much alive,
Like the night we had met.

It’s cold.
The November rains brought it in.
You used to love rains,
Maybe you still do, or that’s what you proclaim.
I look up at the swinging trees,
The red-tinged night sky,
They remind me of my won’t-cry-im-strong eyes,
Of the night we parted, for the last time.

It’s cold,
And I shiver involuntarily.
The body screams for warmth, any kind of warmth,
While my heart aches for body warmth,
Of a person who had once been mine.

It’s cold.
It’s been a long while I’ve felt anything else.
I welcome the chill that seeps in my veins,
I smile thinking even nature gets drunk,
On love and other demons.
I’m yet to decide what were you.
To Me, of Mine.

2017 – The Year That Was

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It’s time for the year roundabout post. I know I’m late (as usual), will be rambling on for long (as usual), on the year that is living off its last hours (as usual). In fact, I’ve every right to ramble, given that I’m writing this post on a network that’s bordering on negative and I’m currently sitting in the basement attic, freezing my ass and hands off, to block all the loud sounds coming from the musical soiree being held in my countryside house. Sigh, yes, that’s my life, welcome! So what’s unusual? Well, surprise. The year itself.

I think anyone who has gone through my earlier posts of Coffee Talkies, would be able to answer the cause behind it right away. For those who haven’t (and for them, a warm welcome in this bitter-cold winter. Please make yourself at home in this humble blog of mine)… let me make it easier for all, actually.

2017 would forever remain remarkable in my so-far life journey, for this was the year I moved out to a different city. This was the year who threw me out of my comfort zone called home and taught precious life experiences of living outside in a city which speaks a language different from mine. But let’s take the weathered path to this year’s memory down the lane rather than a shortcut. Shortcuts are easier to take, I know, but they’re quick enough as well to cutdown upon the joy that is normally associated with all journeys. So let’s do this!

This was a year I was to graduate with Masters and finally get out of the cocoon called University and get to taste the big, bad world out there. The last months were tough, more so because I knew, the people whom I regularly saw for a period of 5 long years, had grown intimacy with over the duration, would cease to be regular mates to sit around and chat with. It was a bit hard reality to reconcile with, but it’d be wrong if I said, I wasn’t ready to face the world. I was, and damn if I wasn’t excited as well!

So I graduated, missed the gold medal by a whisker (I still refuse to stand up and protest against the sheer injustice done to me, for I didn’t and still don’t care. It was a blatant scandal, if you believe my friends), and went headlong into an internship which again was to change my life in its own way.

I’d always wanted to have a corporate life, or at least, get to bite a slice of it. I’d hoped to acquire it through my internship, which I eventually did. It was amazing, made a lot of friends, had fun, learnt the basics of content editing and writing and all that stuff. But that’s like, the usual internship experience of almost every other person. So why was this internship important to me? Because it was crucial to make me come to this realisation that corporate life isn’t the one for me. That it could only be an affair, which could be enjoyed only for a short-term duration but enough to make me bolt if it were to be on a permanent basis. So what to do, now that my lust for corporate life was long satiated? That’s what I thought when I sat down to think, on a fine summer afternoon. Let’s move out, I decided. So I simply went ahead and made it happen!

Sounds incredibly easy, eh? Well, I do make sound everything easy! But believe me when I say, it wasn’t. There has been several lifetime experiences that I have had, in this one semester of my academics (besides my growing addiction to K-Drama, chopsticks and frightening closeness to family). One was watching the winter meteor shower with a couple of other handfuls of friends and ended up having the highest tally of 7 meteors (yes, I’m great, I know, thank you). The other was doing the moonsight on the day the Moon was closest to the Earth, quite accidentally in fact, amidst the entire hostel’s powercut, at 4 a.m. Standing under a sky filled with stars and constellations, with the breeze chilled just enough to make you shiver, the Moon looked mind-blowing and needless to say, one of my best experiences that I’d owe to hostel life. I’d normally like to ramble on more, but hey, the post is already long enough.

So what am I expecting from 2018? Nothing, actually. I’m keeping my arms open to all kinds of experiences that is going to ram headlong upon and onto Me. I’m actually having my mindslate erased entirely to ensure that all kinds of experiences gets noted down, in the inventory of my Life.

I’m fully aware of the fact that 2018 is going to be incredibly stressful and busy. I just hope as convincing my statement looks like, I am too, ready, alert and in my own confident skin. When I look back, I also see myself trying hard to be happy, so that’s the only thing I’d be trying to get a shot at: To be Happy. In whatever I do. In whichever way. No matter what happens at the end.
In the end, what I’d really like to ask from Life is, to return my love back. Let’s meet halfway, darling?

May We become The Force Ourselves. Let’s go out and have a smashing new year, filled with dreams, aspirations and everything we have always wanted to have. Let’s make a name for ourselves, put in every ounce of energy we have in ourselves and smash all conjectures/predictable patterns of you. Let’s try out a different version of ours, a version that’s difficult to reckon with.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, folks! And I mean it, with all my heart. Let’s all have a ‘happy’ new year.

LIFELESS

The girl you see today,
Wasn’t the same before.
She used to be lively once,
When she didn’t need a reason to smile.
For she loved the sound of laughter,
The heady feeling of being full with joy.
But something happened to Her,
That made her carefree vibe die away.
Maybe that thing had a form,
A being who had hurt her somehow,
A human who had a habit of crushing hearts,
Just like he had crushed hers.
She used to smile once,
Openly and whole-heartedly.
What did you do to her to make her like this,
This lifeless being?

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