I love writing these year-roundabout posts. They make me look back at all that has happened this one year, rehash all the lessons learnt and be prepared for the year that’s coming. I remember reading last year’s roundabout post and all I could exclaim was, oh such a sweet summer child was I! Because that girl and this girl is just so much different, courtesy this past one year. 2016 has been one hell of a year, being officially the worst year of my Life till date. Everything I had ever loved and believed in, changed. People I’ve loved and lived for, left, betrayed and you can go ahead to fill in all the worst adjectives you can find, even then you wouldn’t be able to gauge the enormity of the damage that has been caused inside of Me. And yet, here I am, having survived it all.
2016 had begun with promises, with a constant worry in my head that the happy bubble would however soon burst. And burst it did, oh-so-badly. In fact, the worst nightmare of mine came true, when He left Me, this city for another city. The person who had come to define my life, had left me groping to come to terms to living alone, that too so suddenly and too early. It took me almost a year to get over him, and even now, I cannot say with 100% conviction that my heart doesn’t miss Him. But He sure taught me how to save and survive by myself against all odds, when I’d thought I wouldn’t be able to. Most importantly, this time, the Savior was none but Me myself. That would be one of the most important lessons he taught Me, when He left. Yet, I’d probably hold this grudge against him all my life, that he’d butchered the innocent girl that was Me, giving rise to a woman who no longer feared losing anything. That again however, was just a start to the tunnel that only spiralled downwards to losing so-called friends that had been the only gang of mine. Then had begun the web of trust, betrayal, disappointments and oh my, the amounts in which they were raining! I tell you, when people you thought to be your closest, reveal their ugly faces behind those social masks they wear, leaving aside the fact that they are not just horrific, but they even make you cringe thinking that you had actually wasted a huge chunk of your time behind them! That you had once given ’em a piece of your heart, only to have it stomped over, by them. But in hindsight, they were some great lessons learnt and now I can safely say, that there’s nothing that I haven’t been tried on. No one and absolutely nothing, no matter how bewildering the events might be, can surprise Me now. Been there, know that, Sir! Besides, given the peaceful person I’ve turned into, I’ve left it upon Karma to deal with them. Let Karma make its hands bloody, while I rest in peace!
This had however led to the first trips of mine, of this year. First one with the family, the second one for the family. The beach family outing had been amazing, full of fun and given my fondness for the seas and waves, they had given me constructive mental support to face head on, the problems that were going on in my life then. It had, in fact, steeled me for Varanasi. The Varanasi, with its conditions of keeping anonymity from the world, of being alone fighting it out for yourself and your family, and most importantly, making you realize the importance of Time, had changed me inside out. I no longer cared for anyone except myself. In fact, it had made me realize the value of family and that I’d say would be the most important good thing that came out of moving away from the gang of my friends. After the debacle, I have become so close to my family *touchwood* that there’s little that they don’t know about my Life and that actually makes me feel so contented. Varanasi taught me that and that, there must be space for nothing in my life except thinking of how to make my life more substantive.
So began the last year of my Masters as well and that thankfully didn’t give me scope to think about anything else than studies, which were so stressful and occupying every single moment of my life. Then came THE trip of my life, the first solo trip of mine which had been very bumpy at first, but went ahead to check off one item of the bucket list. From losing my purse along-with my college ID (totally caps my officially worst year, thank you 2016) to staying over at my bestie’s amazing place, from my appetite going worryingly down to watching the whole town stay quietly lit up at night during Christmas. From video calls of family to watching the galaxy of stars at 4 am, from surviving on only Chowmein for a week to travelling through a cloud storm, it made me grow my attitude back and went on to teach me yet another trip-lesson of my Life. If Beach had taught Me to think of ways to make Life more constructive than waste time over trivial matters or people, Hills taught Me to be selfish. To not give a damn about anything or anyone, than thinking about only myself. And that was just what I needed before the end of this year.
I’m not keeping any expectations out of 2017, that it’ll finally bring in everything that I need the most in my Life. In fact, I’ll keep doing what I’ve learnt this year: Keep surviving it. Prepared or not, 2017 can definitely expect some tough resistance outta Me against all kinds of obstacles and challenges, for I’m not going to give an inch without fighting. You must have already noticed that unlike the previous year, I didn’t mention the good things that happened this year. Lets just say that, they were bare minimum and the little I got, I don’t wanna jinx it up too. Also, unlike 2016, I’m going to draw up a resolutions list for 2017, because I’ve realized, I like being busy. I’m not gonna waste my time after any future scumbags or trivial matters, because my mission now is grooming the one I see in the mirror, into one of the best person out there, so that I can one day look up to myself and be really proud of myself. Now, it’s not about being worth of anyone, it’s about being really worth of the standards that I’ve set for myself. That’s the mantra now, because really YOLO.
2016 has been officially the worst year, sure. But it shall remain the year I’ll never forget. For breaking and remaking Me.
Happy New Year, everyone. May The Forces be with Us, this new year. May We ourselves, become The Force.