Charade

You look daringly, I look stealthily.
You give me that smile of yours,
Which shows little but means helluva lot.
The smile which tells you nothing,
Yet you know, it means to me something.
I look away quickly,
Afraid of getting caught.
You look away, nodding your head,
Yeah, that’s how it must be between us, for now.

You look, I look away.
I look, you look away.
Yet another moment gone,
Untouched and far-fetched,
No matter how much I wail and moan.

I look, You don’t notice.
You got a subtle stubble growing.
You look absolutely delightful, I want to scream.
Instead, when You look, I..
I look away, refusing to give away myself,
By meeting your eyes and facing the storm inside.

The eyes that look confused, irritated,
Angry, helpless and depressed.
Eyes which most of all, have questions,
Answers to which I cannot dare to tell,
In fear of spilling the society’s tales.

The society which looks upon us,
As a forbidden pair, destined only to be,
Lamented, embarrassed and shamed upon.
Society which tells you and me,
How we should walk and talk.
Society which tells me, I am not,
Not allowed to meet your eyes and say,
I’m sorry, we are not at fault.
We are just pawns in this bloody game,
We both are victims in their worst phase.

You look, I look at last.
You look surprised, and I,
I feel a sadness heaving down,
Upon my soul and heart.
I look away finally, slowly this time,
For I know moments like this are fleeting,
For us to exist the way we are,
We have to keep this charade going.
For as long as it takes.

Thing is,
I think I’ll be able to hold on.
Will you?

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Moving Away

I’ve always wondered,
Of the moment when,
I’d finally move on,
From You and My expectations.
I’ve imagined countless times,
Of the moment when I’d realize,
That it is really the end of it all,
And nothing else can be done anymore.
I’ve woken up from nightmares,
Soaked with sweat & pumping oxygen into a jumpy heart,
Wishing and praying for those things,
To never happen, those terrible things,
Only to realize they have already happened.
But nothing could have prepared Me,
For this moment which has finally come.

It was the look of your face which screamed happiness,
The moment when this heart of mine broke all over again.
When You didn’t look back even once and took a giant leap,
And I realized I was a fool to wish for happy endings.
They don’t exist and nor do your feelings,
But I still believe and unfortunately,
Exist my feelings, which once lay dormant,
But have woken up again, to bid you goodbye.
For You see, I can live my life with the memories given by you,
But I cannot bear to burden You with mine.
You see, I can survive by barely managing to sew my broken heart,
But I cannot bear to see You live, Without that of yours.

Because at the end of the day, it’s still your happiness which counts,
I can manage with my melancholic memories.
Who cares if You have ruined my heart with your image,
I’ll just remain happy for the rest of my life,
That once You belonged to Me – just mine,
Once upon a time.

Darkness and Her Lover

He’d thought She was the Sun.
The Light who’d show the path through his darkness,
The Light who’d blind him with love he’d never known could exist,
For She was everything he’d ever imagined and more.
But He didn’t know, She was that Sun.
Who’d scorch him for ever.
The Sun who herself was headed to burn out.
The Light who was born out of darkness.
The Light whose other name was Black.
She was Darkness in the disguise of Light.

And yet, He had fallen and couldn’t undo it.
Because when Love can be undone, then it wasn’t love in the first place.
And thus, He chose to love Darkness,
But anonymously, deciding to be a Shadow.
For to be close to Darkness, you have to be embrace it too.
And hence, He became yet another stakeholder in,
The scarred faces of Black.
One of the many star-crossed lovers of Darkness.

Chasing Sunsets

Why chase Sunsets?
You ask Me.
Why out of all things,
Sunsets fascinate you the most?
You frown, trying to know Me.
I laugh.
Oh, that’s nothing, I reply.
Yet another sudden impulses of mine,
You really don’t need to decode it, you know!

You don’t believe me, as you should.
You think there’s something more,
More than what I’m giving away to you.
I smile, thinking if only you had the power,
The ability to know what’s the reason behind it,
If only you knew why I like to chase sunsets.

Sunsets remind of surviving yet another day,
A day of struggling with disguises and pretensions,
A day of waking up and get hustling along,
A day of making it alright, after fighting with the world,
A day of facing the sun and saying it with pride,
See, I beat you again, taking one at a time.
More so, sunsets remind me,
That I’ve survived one day more.

I love sunsets because they’re my safety net,
They take me to a dimension where I’m comfortable more.
An extension of darkness waiting,
To envelop me in its arms,
Knowing the child is to return,
To her home, the nestle of night.
A place where her demons wait,
A play-room where there’s no way out,
Except to fight, to keep herself sane.
But that’s easier for her, I think.
For she has been doing it for years,
And she doesn’t look like she’s giving up, it seems.

Would you like to know what’s the best thing about nights?
It’s that white slice of happiness,
Which comes in different shapes every night,
The Moon, which has always been mine.
And I dare not think of a person once close,
Who too had once said, the moon was his to go by.
But now, what has remained is the Moon,
And person… So far, nowhere near heart and sight.

So when you ask why I chase sunsets,
I almost blurt out the real reason,
But know better not to,
For you wouldn’t understand.
Nobody has or will do, you see.

It’s not that I like to chase sunsets,
But I have to chase sunsets.
They are a reminder, a celebration of the fact,
I’m a fighter, a survivor
And I’d like to remain that.

Stupid Cupid

Do you believe there’s a Cupid out somewhere?
I think of asking You.
But then, you wouldn’t understand,
And I’d have to translate it to your language,
And that’d take out all the fun.
Like all the other times, I had to explain to you,
Things you fail to grasp, being out of your reach.
(There’s a point till which I can bear,
But damn if it isn’t irritating!)
So instead, I ask myself.

Yes, I believe there is One,
Otherwise what could possibly explain this,
This outrageous, exasperating feeling,
Of being struck with an attraction.
A pull which goes just one-way round,
With no future in sight,
And feelings too surprisingly new to fight.

I cannot say to you all this,
You’d run away faster than Bolt,
Simply because it’s unbelievable! But hey,
I know that feeling too, right?
So instead I do things which my heart forces me to do,
Making my brain die premature death, multiple times in a day.
If not Cupid, what could possibly explain this?

I can still remember the moment it all happened,
Your back facing the balcony,
Your coat giving you the mysterious allure.
I’d doubled back to see who you are,
And there you were, unknown
But somehow known enough for me to gasp.
For you were just an ordinary guy,
Nowhere near to my preferences.
Yet, yet I tried hard to find the reason,
That made my heart race to see you,
To want to talk to you,
Most importantly, for you to accept me,
For you to like me as I am.
But sigh! If only I could find any,
Oh Mon dieu, someone help me!

Often I have wondered, you know,
What it’d be like, to pursue you.
To chase you until you’re mine,
To break that ego of yours,
Boosting mine in the process of destruction.
But then, I remember who you are,
And despite it all, I don’t want to screw up,
Your already roughened heart.

So here’s what I’ve decided, my friend.
To purge myself of you in the sea,
To drown all these feelings for you,
As unnecessary as salt in anything sweet.
So here’s my eulogy to a surprising attraction,
Which is to die an early, too-soon painful death.
Here’s my tribute to Cupid,
Who turned out to be stupid enough to mess with Me.
And here’s to You, dear friend,
Listen, for I’m confessing to you.
I did like you, yes, believe me when I say that.
But not enough to let go of the past lessons I’ve learnt.
You see, I’m content with myself.
So I have to let you go, and thus,
Goodbye, my almost-happened love.

On Love and Other Demons

It’s cold.
I remind myself of the chill that’s in the air,
But I don’t mind it.
I welcome it.
It relieves me to see that I can still feel.
That goosebumps faithfully show up,
Is a reminder that they’re there, existing just under the skin.
That they’re are still very much alive,
Like the night we had met.

It’s cold.
The November rains brought it in.
You used to love rains,
Maybe you still do, or that’s what you proclaim.
I look up at the swinging trees,
The red-tinged night sky,
They remind me of my won’t-cry-im-strong eyes,
Of the night we parted, for the last time.

It’s cold,
And I shiver involuntarily.
The body screams for warmth, any kind of warmth,
While my heart aches for body warmth,
Of a person who had once been mine.

It’s cold.
It’s been a long while I’ve felt anything else.
I welcome the chill that seeps in my veins,
I smile thinking even nature gets drunk,
On love and other demons.
I’m yet to decide what were you.
To Me, of Mine.

LIFELESS

The girl you see today,
Wasn’t the same before.
She used to be lively once,
When she didn’t need a reason to smile.
For she loved the sound of laughter,
The heady feeling of being full with joy.
But something happened to Her,
That made her carefree vibe die away.
Maybe that thing had a form,
A being who had hurt her somehow,
A human who had a habit of crushing hearts,
Just like he had crushed hers.
She used to smile once,
Openly and whole-heartedly.
What did you do to her to make her like this,
This lifeless being?

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