‘Fix You’ Keeps Playing in My Mind, Sept ’20

“Cause you lose something you can’t replace,
When you love someone but it goes to waste“
Hello, what? Love? No, but I really did like him, though.
So much so, that I was childishly insecure,
Cementing his playboy image in my heart and mind, for sure.
But ’twas an image created by others,
An image I came to believe in, with my heart whole.

You had pleaded with me multiple times,
Asked me to believe in you when nobody else was.
I did, but insecurity got the better of me.
And well, there went our story, down the drain lil by lil.
When I thought it best to drift away from you,
After all, it’ll be the best for both of us, me and you.
Yes, you did try to reconnect, but it was too late by then.
I was distant and indifferent,
Too less bothered to care about me and you and ourselves.

“But high up above or down below,
When you are too in love to let it show“
Yes, I was too much in love, with myself and my goals and ambitions.
Not even taking a minute to let go of everything behind,
Without even realising it was the emotional baggage that held me back and behind.
I didn’t think of the relations gone awry,
For what mattered was the life to go peacefully and successfully.
Years later, like tonight, when the truth comes crashing down in my life,
I regret not believing in you and in us.
I blame it all on the age we were in and the immaturity of us.
Do we go back? No, we cannot, for the rails of time have moved on.
We can only look back with sadness and think,
What would have life looked like, if it was in the past now?

“Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones“
I truly wish the best for you, so I pray from the bottom of my heart.
You say, seeing me happy makes you happy with all your soul and heart.
I know for sure, you’ll get a good partner for you deserve one.
You say, my current partner is very lucky to have me, as his The One.
You make a request to meet, but not too eagerly.
You don’t wanna fall for me again, you say sheepishly.
I know how much it’d have hurt for you to say it so casually.
And so believe me when I say, I wish the bestest,
For you and I know you do the same too for me.

So take this as a letter from a heart you knew long ago,
This is my letter of apology, of regret and so much more.
I’m really sorry for carving a different future without you, without your knowing,
Thank you so much still for caring about me.
Even though our paths lies different and will never be together again,
The times we had, I’ll always remember them now with fondness.
I’ll always remember them. And You.